


we only own our hell

by beautifullybarbaric



Series: there is no place like home when you got no place to go [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Connor & North (Detroit: Become Human) Friendship, Connor Deserves Happiness, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Suicide Attempt, kinda??? idk self-destructing kinda blurs the line a bit, listen im gay and im tired let me write the fluffy tropes, no beta we die like men, welcome to 'we hate david cage' club, with hurt/comfort bc i live off angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 17:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19977451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifullybarbaric/pseuds/beautifullybarbaric
Summary: Check for zengarden.exe?FILE NOT FOUND.It wasn't there. Amanda was gone.But what if she wasn't? What if they were tricking him?The blizzard howled outside. Cold. There was so much snow. It was blinding and he couldn't move. Not fast enough. Just stumbling.He reached the backdoor. He was safe.But what if it was a lie? A trick? They could hurt him. They could hurt North and Simon and Josh and Markus.A blizzard hits Detroit in the midst of late february. Connor does not cope well.





	we only own our hell

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "buy the stars" by marina and the diamonds

Connor did not mind the snow.

Once it was on the ground, he didn't care. A soft snowfall was harmless. He could handle both of those. It reminded him of his early deviancy. When he first began to feel alive. They were... Predominantly good memories.

But blizzards?

Connor did not... like those.

The door to his room in New Jericho clicked shut behind him. He collapsed beside his bed, squeezing his eyes shut.

_**Check for zengarden.exe?** _

_**FILE NOT FOUND.** _

It wasn't there. Amanda was gone.

But what if she wasn't? What if they were tricking him?

The blizzard howled outside. Cold. There was so much snow. It was blinding and he _couldn't move._ Not fast enough. Just stumbling.

He reached the backdoor. He was safe.

But what if it was a lie? A trick? They could hurt him. They could hurt North and Simon and Josh and _Markus._

_**Warning. Stress reaching critical levels.** _

Connor blinked and closed the notification. He didn't bother checking his stress levels. It was so cold. Pressing down. Frosty shards flying into his vision. Almost at a crawl. A sob ripped free from his lips. _Amanda stop._ _Let me go. L̶e̸ ̸t̶ ̴m̴e̷ ̴g̷ ̵o̶_

**_Stress levels peaked. Initiating self_ destruct.**

He reached up to his own chest, hand slotting around the thirium pump. He couldn't stop shaking. Static prickled at the corners of his vision. It looked like thorns. Frozen and frosted over in the cold, cold garden. _I̴ ̸d̶o̵ ̷n̸ ̵t̵ ̵w̵a̴ ̸n̶t̵ ̵t̴o̸ ̸d̵i̶e̵,̸ ̴A̸m̷ ̴a̶n̷d̴ ̸a̴ ̷l̷e̸t̴ ̶m̵e̶ ̵g̵ ̵o̷.̸_

Connor let out a small, muffled cry as his thirium pump popped out of his chest. Almost too easily. But he didn't put it back in. He just curled in on himself and let it fall to the ground. Feeling his thirium stick to his skin as it leaked from the empty place in his chest where his heart was supposed to sit, it was so gloriously warm. Burning along the snow. The thirium was warm.

"Connor?" Somebody knocked on his door. _T̷h̷e̴ ̶d̸ ̵o̸o̵r̵?̵ ̵T̴h̵e̸r̶ ̵e̵ ̵a̷ ̶r̴e̸ ̷n̴o̷ ̵d̷o̸ ̷o̴r̷s̴ ̵i̴n̸ ̵t̶h̴e̴ ̷g̶a̴r̶ ̷d̷e̵ ̸n̷.̶_ "Are you okay?"

He opened his mouth to reply to the voice. It didn't sound like Amanda. But he found that he couldn't speak. All that he could let out was a soft hiss of pained static.

"Connor, I'm coming in." He heard a noise, like a door opening. But he couldn't tell what it was over the snow. It was so cold.

S ̴o̸ ̵ ̴c̵o̸l̶ ̶d̶.

"Connor!" A hand wrapped around his wrist.

"̸A̶m̸ ̴a̸n̵ ̶d̸a̶ ̵l̷e̸ ̵a̷v̴e̸ ̷m̴ ̴e̸ ̸a̸ ̶l̵o̷ ̴n̸e̵"̶ He hissed, voice breaking. Connor could taste his own thirium in his mouth. He couldn't see who it was. The static blocked his vision. The thorns. Who was touching him? It didn't feel like like Amanda. They were too warm. Amanda was cold. And there was snow. And-

There was a pressure at the center of his chest ** _._** The pressure gave as his thirium pump slid back into place.

_**RK200 **#684 842 971** requesting interface. Accept? Y/N** _

__

****Markus? How was he-

_**Y** _

__

_****_ ******_> >Connor, please. Stop. You're safe.  
_ **

Worry and fear burnt through the connection. A hand cupped his face gently, smudging thirium on his cheek. Connor knew that Markus could see his memories. The Garden. Amanda-

_**> >There is nobody here but us, Connor. We're in your room at New Jericho. There is no Amanda in your files. There is no Zen Garden.** _

__

****No zen garden? It was so co ld

**_> >Connor..._ **

****

****Markus pulled him close, cradling him against his chest. Markus was faux-warm. Built into every android to make humans less uncomfortable. Less uncanny valley. Connor buried his face into the other android's shoulder. His ventilation systems overworking themselves from stress.

_**Stress levels falling.** _ ****

They stayed like that for a few moments. Artificial breath puffed over the back of Connor's head. Something else slipped through the connection. An emotion. Warm and familiar. Laughably familiar.

Connor lifted his head and wrapped an arm around Markus' back. His other arm lifted up so he could hold the side of his head, pulling him in.

The kiss was gentle. Held long but not hungry, not harsh. Markus' grip on him tightened. 

_**> >Connor.... Next time you feel scared like that, you don't need to hide.** _

__

__The kiss broke. Markus cupped Connor's face with both hands.

_**> >North, Josh, and Simon are your friends. They care about you, Connor. And I... I really, really care about you. You shouldn't deal with this alone.** _

__

****"I was scared, Markus." He whispered, out loud. "I was afraid that she'd... Come back."

"She'll never get you again, Connor." Markus kissed his cheek. "I promise."


End file.
